Obama Speech by Fearless Freep

Today President Barack Obama
gave an important address
About the economy
He said that in the 21st Century
Hard Work would be rewarded.
His solution

Extend Unemployment Benefits!

Times Are Hard For The Porn Industry by Fearless Freep

Adult movie producer and Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt today announced that the porn industry needs a $5 billion bailout.

"Sex is suffering in this country. Times are hard. We need something to get demand up." he complained. "The industry is taking it in the rear end. We need something to prime the pump, to lubricate the cogs of commerce again."

Lance Long, spokesman for the Porn Actors Guild (PAG) and Bruce Bollocks, spokesman for Gay Actors Guild (GAG) in a joint release announced the signing of a professional lobbyist to take the message of the need for sex to Washington DC.




Who else better to take the job?

Al Franken Has A Little Tiny Pecker, a book by Armageddon

Now number 3 on the New York Times best seller list is Armageddons response to Al Franken's insipid book, "Rush Limbaugh Is A Big Fat Idiot" In it Armageddon explores the deep roots of Al's homophobia. "It began when his father started changing his diaper. Al felt as if he look disappointed when he pulled the side of his Huggies across and found nothing but a big turd. Even as a baby, hearing your Dad call out to his wife as you lay there exposed to the world, "Jesus Christ Edna, are you sure the doctors said this is a son? For the life of me I can't see anything with a point on it." can have lasting psychological consequences.
Worse yet is when Rabbi Robiniwitz came to the house to perform the Bris, went through all the incantations, only to open the diaper and declare "What is this? Is somebody pulling my Talmud? What do I look like, a micro-surgeon? I'm outta here till her bas mitzvah."
It is for this reason and the natural locker room taunts of the normally endowed teenagers during his Junior and Senior High School years in New York City that he began having insecurity about his manliness. He got his ass kicked by both boys and girls as neither group respected his weak and whiny personality and the pink dresses he wore to class.
It was when he was approached and intimately explored by Andy Warhol one day and Truman Capote the next at a Liberace party that he first experienced Man-Boy love and since then he has alternated between fervent NAMBLA supporter and virulent detractor.
Now he has almost surely stolen the election from an honorable Republican and has not one second of regret No, he blames this on his father who kept asking as Al grew up, "Why do I have to leave the seat down for you?"

Senator Harry Reid Suggests to Blogo Who Should Replace Obama

Senator Harry Reid (D-Nev) Majority Leader of the Senate and the entire Democrat Caucus, in a rare moment of solidarity, protest the possible inclusion of Ronald Burris, Governor Rod Blagojevich's pick to fill the seat vacated by Barack Hussein Obama.

According to tapes released by the prosecution, Reid was recorded speaking to the Governor a day before he was arrested. "Come on Rod, the senate is as full of Blacks as an NFL locker room. You walk through the doors and one is there holding it open. Around the corner you give one your coat and hat and get a chit. At the cafeteria one rustles up some ham and eggs and the southern senators have grits and the yankees have hash browns. His name is DeShamus and if you want eggs over medium, by God they're are done just right. TaWanda pours coffee and never lets your cup run out or get too cold. Why the Hell would you want to put another Black in the Senate.?"
With such prominent Blacks as Burris and Jesse Jackson Jr. who could get Budweiser and Schlitz Malt liquor wholesale, being excluded from Reid's recommendations, the Congressional Black Caucus insisted on a shoeshine kiosk, lavatory attendents and a barbershop or else they would riot. "Throw in a case of 40 ouncers and some ho's and you got a deal" a spokesman for the CBC said.
Senators Clinton, Boxer, Feinstein and Cantwell make sure the Cross embers are not too hot to start the hamburgers and hotdogs for the feast to launch the new congress.

Pennsylvanian's Expecting A Great Time by Armageddon

As reported in the AP today, folks from Pennsylvania who folk up $2500 get to attend a "Yes We Did" celebration in our nation's capital for the inauguration. For that they get two nights lodgings. At the celebration hosted by Fast Eddy Rendell and Senator Bob Casey, Sister Sledge, some long forgotten band will perform and Sharon Stone will sit onstage in a short skirt.
"Gorsh dang" one of the lucky ticket holders said. "I'll be right up front when the show starts to swat them flies"

Solving Illegal Immigration by Fearless Freep

Senator Harry Reid D-NEV
(pictured here capturing
that blank, mindless
expression he so
often sports)
Said today on Meet The Press
"Tim, my friend John McCain
and I are going to work on comprehensive immigration reform. First we will secure the border.
Then we will find a way to legalize those already here. It won't be an amnesty. They will have to buy carbon offsets from Al Gore for all their emissions. That will run about $3000 apiece."

Senator McCain's office issued a press release shortly after the program aired Sunday January 4th morning.

"This isn't the same as McCain-Kennedy, you %*%^$@. It isn't amnesty,a**h**e. We give them an English test and if they can press the right pictures on a McDonald's cash register, I'd say that makes them the equivalent of any inner city high school graduate, you #@!!$%^."

President Elect Obama has pledged to sign this right after pardoning himself for being in the country illegally.

Indications that Michelle Obama is a Classless Spoiled Woman by Armageddon

Despite rumors that Michelle was in fact Grace the Bass Player, she is giving every indication of taking the charm and coquettishness former First Lady Hillary Krinton made her hallmark and will bring her own style of change we can believe in. Surpassing this milestone will take copious amounts of culture and it is clear that Jacquiline Kennedy's sacred place on the pedistal of adoration may soon need expanding.
Let us first begin by citing the amazing revelation that just a few weeks ago, she was finally proud of her country. How big of her to lower her standards such that the land that has freed millions from tyrany abroad and from slavery here, including her ancestors, is now measuring up to her standards. The millions of Americans who shed their blood to accomplish this must also finally be proud of their country. How could we not all be touched by such magnanity.
Allowing her mother to come and live in the White House and care for her children to add stability to their lives once again can be seen as setting a higher standard than Jacky who cared for her two like any common housewife. Way to go Michelle.
Likewise complaining about not having special privilidges to move in early to Blair House so her children can attend school seems only reasonable and a cruel Republican scheme to not change tradition and kick out those already promised the house. Shame on Bush and his mean spirited decision.
Speaking of school, she chose the private one her children will attend the same way she does everything else. Instead of making an example like President Jimmy and Mrs. Carter did and sent Amy to public school in DC, she chose not to end up with TWO retards and sent them to a private school.
Just like lunch at the Waldorf where she looked at the menu and concluded "I'll have the most expensive thing and champaigne. What is it?" choosing the school was a snap. "What does it cost? I'll take the most expensive".
Yes citizens,we are going to be exposed to a level of culture and class unheard of in the White House for the next eight years. Imagine how refined she will be the first few times she catches Barack burried to the hilt in some white cockpit.