Sunday, September 13, 2009

Van Jones and the Issue of Racism by Fearless Freep

I would like to thank Green Jobs Special Advisor to the President Van Jones for the opportunity for me to explore the issue of racism as perceived by the Left and the Right. Since there is such a dramatic difference in how either side think about this issue, I will break down situations into Left-Think and Right-Think patterns.
Van Jones called all Republicans “a**h*les”. Now it is axiomatic that Jones is not a racist because he is an African American and therefore can not be a racist because he is a member of a persecuted minority.
But a Right-Thinker will incorrectly say that there are minority members of all races in the Republican Party. Left-Thinkers know that all these folks are either oreo cookies or whatever really smart name they attach the other minorities who don’t think along the prescribed avenues they demand. Therefore, all Republicans are white and every one is an “a**h*le” and this is not a racist statement.

Right Thinkers will conclude that Van Jones is a racist a**h*le.

Left-Thinkers call the people who inhabited this land before the evil white people came, Native Americans. Right-Thinking people just called them the descendents of the Asians who walked the Bering Sea when there was a mud flat and no water because of climate change. Since there was no fire at the time, nor SUV’s, Left-Thinkers blame whale flatulence for the buildup of methane and greenhouse gases at the time. We know there was no fire because the Inuit’s chose to eat seal meat and whale blubber raw. This contributed to a serious decrease in greenhouse gases which is why the glaciers melted and the Sea covered the land bridge again. The Inuit’s got carbon credits for eating whales because planting trees in the permafrost would have to wait for Al Gore, one of the world’s most respected Left-Thinker, to make possible. Polar bears got carbon credits for eating Inuits.
Left-Thinkers call the people who lived in South and Central America Indians until the moment evil white guys landed there. Then they all became Hispanics because it is too hard to figure out which ones would be Hisportuguise and which ones would be Hispanic. Also it is too hard to pronounce Hisportuguise. Right-Thinkers called them the Aztec and Mayan descendents of the Asians who walked over, etc.
With the introduction of slavery by the warrior tribes who sold their captured enemies and anybody they could con the slave traders into buying, a new element was added to the Western Hemisphere. Left-Thinkers called them about half a dozen different things until they settled on African Americans. Right-Thinkers were too scared to do anything but go along until the smoke cleared.
Now there is one thing that both Left-Thinkers and Right-Thinkers agree upon. When you mix African Americans, Guilty White people and Hispanics, you end up with a Puerto Rican.